I don’t mean to protect the most authentic version of myself however I do. I have strived for me, sought myself out, contemplated, questioned, dug… I have slowly uncovered the most precious parts of myself. The brilliant and tender parts.
The scared and timid parts, the hurt, and abused parts. All to share with those worthy and able to see me. I am gentle and caring. I give what I have and share as much as I can. I am tender and deeply feel. I know things before I know them and so my close friends are able and willing to see themselves fully as well. To trust myself was hard. I was scared to be rejected or fail, to be wrong. In some ways, I still am. I can be insecure about things. It’s in my nature to contemplate and question reality. This quality makes me a great therapist because I can see things from many perspectives. And it makes it hard for me to decide on a definite end at times.
But I am getting more mature with my self-trust in decision making. I have let myself learn to trust myself and life. I have been gentle with myself to trust the people. I have trusted the wrong people at times and radically forgive them and myself.
Nowadays, when I share my underbelly with you, I trust you and I am committed to loving me. Not everyone is deserving to know and see your vulnerability and growth. Some people don’t understand that in insecurity and contemplation there is faith and soul calling.
I have been blessed in past years to be held by many great friends as I have stepped into my femininity and healed self-trust. Thank you!! A large part of healing is trusting! And trusting especially if you have been abused or hurt by family or close friends as a trusting and vulnerable child is a learned process.
I help my clients learn how to:
Trusting yourself to read your environment and keep yourself safe.
Trusting yourself to choose good and supportive relationships of all kinds.
Trusting yourself to grow and heal as you’re reclaiming your power and looking at the soft parts of yourself “shadow aspects.”
Trusting yourself PERIOD! This is part of the journey that I lead my clients through. The tender and sensitive journey to self-love. This is paradise within – when you are free to be yourself and open to walking more and more towards your truth daily – in all your relationships. Begin your journey back to trust for free today
Great post.
As a survivor myself, I have learned to not fixate on controlling people or the outcomes of situations.
One could say that there is a fair amount of trusting the universe or trusting yourself in that, but I think it goes deeper. I like to believe there is a space where we can transcend labeling situations as good or bad or seeing oneself as strong or weak. That takes the power dynamics away from everything involved and strips it down to what it is: an interaction. In this space, choices become easier to see and impressions, like thoughts during mediation, flow in an out effortlessly.
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Carrie, thanks for replying. I did not see this until today. I believe in a perfect world where the pain of abuse did not create symptoms that do affect many areas of a survivor’s life this bypassing would be ideal. However, from my own experience and research, it is as effective to accept what was, understand how the events affected the survivor with acceptance and compassion, again no labels, while accepting that in life power and power struggles are real in this reality. As much as I love meditation and as wonderful the state of balance is where no good or bad is, that is not the reality of our planet, and avoiding or discounting one’s feelings or healing tends to prolong the cycle of abuse and its symptoms. Discounting any perspective on healing is or can be more damaging. You are at a place of freedom and your abuse simply is because you have healed, not everyone is there yet seeing their abuse as an interaction in space and time that has no effect on them. I agree that balance and seeing oneself as everything rather than either-or is freeing, I am happy you have found freedom in this view. A life of flow is beautiful.
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