Diary of Expression – Finished Hiding
This week has been profound for me, my intention in sharing this with you is to shine forth my truth and inspire you to stand in your divine-self too.
About a week ago, I had to look into places within myself that I had been hiding from. These far to common fears overwhelm many of my clients too and they might not be what you are thinking. What I realized is that my deepest fears were not what I thought they were.
Here is my heart –
This week I discovered that under my fear of being labeled stupid – I really was scared of being held accountable for what I know.
Under my fear of being labeled or called a looser, I realized that my dream of success is so amazing it truly frightens me.
Under my excuse of needing to be accepted and loved, was my fear of being rejected or worse feared by others whom I admire or love. Yet, when I allowed these fears to soften my fear is not that they won’t except me it’s that if they don’t accept me I won’t be strong enough to love myself as I am anyway.
You see, for me and for many of you ( I suspect) it’s easy looking at the negative stuff, the crap we’ve messed up or done wrong. What is really hard is letting people know and see what you are really made of, what you know that might go against the grain, the stuff that set’s you apart and makes you who you are. Then on top of that to share that you think you are enough, and then standing firm in that. This stance comes with consequences. You might have to let people go, shift careers, leave family, allow yourself to shine. This is some scary stuff.
This is my declaration to stand firm in my divine-self – ALL the great parts of myself and unique ones too.
A few of these things you might already know. But some of them I am scared that if you really know you may think that I am proud or stuck up or not Christian enough or uppity, but I am sharing them anyway. If I can write books and go on live TV talking about my abuse and messed up history I can share my heart. (honestly, this is much more scary.
I am also sharing because the message I keep hearing from God and from all of His heavenly angels in my life (my mentors and teachers, friends etc…) is that this is NOT the time to focus on your sinful nature. THIS is the time for us all to LET GO of our sinful nature and step fully into God’s gift’s, His hope, His planet, His creation which He created for US to have dominion over and live in harmony with. IT IS TIME for us all to awaken to the truth that we are here to place our minds on all things holy and good, to feed our bodies like temples and to act and behave as the godly people we are created to be.
We are not here to fix one another, to belittle each other or ourselves. We are not here to point out each others faults and grumble and complain. We are here to enjoy, worship and lift one another up. Admit who you are! Stop fighting the demons JESUS already won that battle for all of us, accept His gift.
I mean this is what Divinely YOU, Your Own University and Divine in 9 are all about – so I with God’s strength here’s my heart.
I know that I will be tested, this is the space I am living in. I know that I will have to face my own negative/sinful nature again and look it straight on and say ” I see you, I accept you, I repent of you, rebuke you, renounce you and through the power vested IN ME through Christ Jesus, I am free of you (insert damaging insight/habit/way).” Then I will have to walk that walk and talk that talk.
We all will. However, this is my line in the sand. This is my world announcement that I am done focusing on those lies, footholds for the evil here inside me or outside me. I am free and I have been free – so here is all of me. Some of it you will judge, some of it might make you uncomfortable and that is okay. Some things you might think as not Christian (religious enough) and that’s ok. I hope some of it will allow you to say YES to your unique brand of awesome. All I have to say is, I get it but I am no longer denying that which I know God has shown me.
For those of you who might ask like my mentors do – “How do you know it is Jesus Christ of Nazareth?” I have 2 answers, one I ask and I pray in full faith that it is. And two Christ came to me when I was 13, and sent me home to “tell my parents” and that week my whole life changed for the better. At that moment a power that was so strong came over me and stayed with me for about 2 weeks, during which time I moved mountains. I got to know God’s vibration during that time and started to read energy patterns, see interesting things and believe me, (or not) there is no presence like Christ’s presence.
Here is my reflection, my intention in sharing it with you is to be an example of self expression. My hope is that you will stand in all your knowing and experiences, love and truth in every moment of your life too.
Who am I? ( A Poem-ish)
I’m that naked lady in the water feeling free swimming with the whales and dolphins.
I’m that goddess on the stage singing my heart out as I sway.
I’m that girl who laughs loud and sometimes draws too much attention to herself.
I’m the woman who likes to take long drives to nowhere just to see where the road goes.
I’m the goddess who prefers green drink and a shake to a lunch, although I will take breakfast at a old style breakfast place any day of the week.
I’m the woman who starts to dance and you stop to stare. I was that girl too.
I’m a driven, responsible, big dreaming, visionary who has been to the out-stretches of the universe and sat with Christ and speaks to the angels.
I’m that lady who wants to please you, but the women in me knows that’s impossible.
I’m a mother.
I’m a loyal friend.
I’m a help-mate to my help-mate
I feel the trees, hear the flowers and embody the minerals as I soak in the clay of mother earth.
I’m the girl playing with her fairy friends and singing with heavens angels.
I’m the women who talks to the animals and see’s their voice.
I’m the healer who feels and see’s truth and witness’s the road to joy.
I’m multidimensional – maybe it was Jesus’ gift that day when I was 13 but either way
I’ve been through odd things, so I am proudly odd and different I may not fit in, but I fit me
I am the women who is not making excuses and covering up what I have been given the joy to experience, thank you Father.
I am the traveler who see’s past…
I’m a forgiver, I’ve forgiven rapes, robbers, heart-breakers and lairs and I will forgive them again, but I may never speak to them again.
I’m the women who will see the divine you in your heart and call the truth forth.
I’m the woman who is here to awaken God’s children to His godliness pulsating through them.
I am best friends with Jesus, Father, and Spirit
I’ve danced the pow wow and although my skin is white, I was raised as a native and I am proud to be a part of Lakota family, this white tornado is twirling – Grandma
I’ve seen and experienced far more I can explain and books simply are unable to express it.
I’m the girl who wants to prove to you what I know but has felt the pain of this.
I am the woman who knows what I know and figure if you are suppose to know God will show you too.
I’m the lady who wants a man to be a man and love her like Christ loves the church.
I’m the goddess who wants a playmate.
I’m the lady who has been there done that and loves staying home.
I’m the goddess who prefers naked yoga in the sunlight, and dancing when no one is watching.
I am a woman of refinement and grace.
I am a woman of confidence and gratitude.
I am a goddess of change and growth
I am sensuality and power
I am a fire thrower
I am master and servant to no one and everyone
I’m a woman of dedication and perseverance.
I am success walking
I’m the lady, women, goddess, girl which I am. I am that I am, and I have full faith that God made me just as I am – in each moment of now.