Have you ever thought to yourself, as you speak to someone close to you? You don’t really know me?
Maybe they knew you at one point and at that point in time, they froze you. However, you have changed, you have been through things, you have grown. How could they have missed it?
The truth is often times we are defined, not only by others but also by ourselves.
Do you know what this does to you and your life?
It’s like thick mud, you get stuck.
I know it sucks and when you’re stuck you have to fight your way out. But the more you fight the most the mud seems to suck you down into it.
And many times the people defining you (because they know you better than you know yourself) are the mud.
So how do you get out of the mud without losing all your friends, being adopted and moving around the world?
You define yourself and STOP listening to them or anyone else who tries to tell you how you are.
Get out of the MUD step 1 – 4
Step 1 – STOP fighting… seriously stop proving, justifying, arguing and trying to be understood.
I did this for lent 3 years ago and let me tell you, it brought so much peace to my house and let the issues be resolved completely. (If you know the story, you know soon after I was divorced, but for both me and my kids’ dad that is the best.) But in the months that led up to this, my confidence grow by leaps and bounds. My lent withdrawal from a life of fighting to be understood and proving myself stopped on the outside. And a new conversation began within me. I began living up to my own expectations and it was divine. By the time I was moving on, I knew I would marry me and that was freedom.
Step 2 – Take a good look at WHO YOU WANT to be.
I’ll just continue with this story since it fits so well. As I ended years of defensive relationing (rather than driving… just hang with me here) I began to internally be my own coach. I asked myself questions like – Who’s having a problem here? Am I being a person I would respect? Am I honoring myself and being kind? How do I want to react to this situation?
When I wasn’t living in line with who I wanted to be, I had the opportunity to start living up to my own standards. When I was I got the opportunity to allow myself to step out feeling confident in myself.
Step 3 – DECIDE who you are at your BEST!
Who do you have to be, and what do you have to do in order to be your best wife (if you’re a guy be your best husband) (if you’re not married be your best mate etc…)
- Be the employee you want to work with. Be the boss you want to respect.
- Be the daughter you want to have. Be the friend you desire to hang out with.
Basically, decide WHO you want to be in every roll you play in life and be it, become it and own it. We often look at how we want the person in relationship to be or who we think we should be for them. But if you were to marry and be your own spouse, who would you be? If you are not being it, choose to be.
Step 4 – BE your BEST!
Practice, shift, do your best things. Eat like a healthy person. Love like a great lover. Enjoy life like someone with all the passion in the world.
If you don’t get it right all the time, it’s ok, shake off the remaining mud and start at step 1 again.
You will feel great about YOU and you will have more meaningful relationships and those who are able to see themselves will truly begin to see you.
(READ THAT LINE AGAIN) especially the part about those who are able to see themselves…
Those who are stuck in the mud, thinking they are the mud will remain there and you most likely will have to let them be in order for you to truly get out. That is ok. They will get out in their own time. And when they do you will be able to see them all cleaned up too.